it reads: "came to work intoxicated on unknown substance possibly of hallucinogenic nature. referred to customers as "bovine or porcine", after a customer complained he told her "to go straddle a narwhale you chlorinated gene pool" was removed from customer service to pizza cutting area where he wrote messages to customers concerning the nature of "pi". he became frustrated when he could only recite "pi" to the "46th digit". when told to go home he smeared lava cake mix over his face and yelled "im rick james bitch" blankity blank was not rostered on any shifts today and action to be taken is termination.
this kid is my fucking hero! next shit ass job i get im gonna quit with some serious style like this but my own flare if you know what im saying!
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